It has LITERALLY been YEARS since I've actually sat down and put together a blog that I am happy enough to post.
Honestly, I feel like a failure in the building of my empire. Honestly, real life sucks.
Even more honestly, people suck.
Without getting into the nitty gritty of it, accusations against my character were made that impacted my real life in a huge way. (As in, courts, police, all that boring jazz that none of you need to hear about in full).
I was outed in my community and my good name was dragged through serious amounts of mud and shit.
Since you last properly heard from me I have grown wiser, and maybe even grown up even more than before. How does that affect you? it doesn't.
And it certainly isn't an excuse for how lax I have been in releasing new content to those who still send me wonderful updates and interact with me on Twitter.
Believe me when I say that I am back, and the best vengeance is making certain that others can learn from my experience, and that what happened to me doesn't happen to anyone else out in the world.
Because Fuck that shit.
This seemed like a god idea at the time :D - I am certain in six months time when I read back over this, I may not agree with myself.
So, the first question that I have decided to answer is one that I've seen in the chat room often in many guises;
"Where all the pigs at?"
"Where be my pigs?"
There are a number of contributing factors that will help me answer this question, the most obvious ones are:
- What - What you put out there
- why - Why you are here
- Where - Where you are targeting
- When - When you sign up
- Which - Which approaches are you using
What are you putting out there?
It stands to reason that many subs (not all but a lot) come here under the impression that they pay money and in return they get to see some hoo hoo coochite tata nana goodness. (Boobs and snatch)
Have you looked over your profile? Are you giving away too much?
As the great Goddess_Bella_Donna says - "Why pay for the cow when they can get the milk for free?"
Task one: Tease, suggest, but don't show off your nipples.
Why are you here?
Money? Power? Your Fetish? Your info panel on the profile says so much. Fill it in. Use it to entice. Don't just write "You will be my pig and give me your money." Everyone has that. Use your imagination and get creative :D
Task Two: Look at the wording of your profile. Is it stock standard once size fits most? Can you make it more creative? Get the slaves slobbering? Make them want you with your words.
Task Two point One: Go back over your profile and make sure that the Grammar and English are correct. You are showing how amazing you are. Not that "U can tlk lyk ery1 else".
Where are you Targeting?
Think about what you are comfortable doing, what you enjoy doing and then focus on that. Are you really happy when guys worship your feet? focus on those! Goddess Bella Daisy makes guys worship, focus upon and pay her cleavage. She loves her boobs and uses them to her advantage.
No one Domme can do it all!! If you hate talking to people on the phone then why would you open a Nite Flirt chatline?
Task Three: What are your best features? What do you want worshiped? What makes you Unique? - Add that too your profile info.
When you sign up
There are fluxes in sign ups for Dommes on any site. Tax time, holidays and other celebrations such as birthdays are big ones. At the same time, these seem to be the slowest times for finding new piggies.
You need to remember that FinDom can be a slow cultivated investment and not a fast pay off. If you are here as a "holiday Domme" then you need to understand that you might not get lucky because you are not as well known and established as the Dommes who have been here longer.
Task Four: Write a long term plan. Organise how you are going to talk with your piggies. What information on them you will keep. What information you will need. Do you want long term milkings or do you want short term draining? Have you set up different methods of payment? Organise baby!
Which approaches are you using?
I let the pigs come to me. Other Dommes chat with pigs in the chat room. Make personal websites and advertise there. Make videos. Write blogs. Poke pigs that look at their profiles. Abuse people? Scream WHERE ARE THE PIGS? in the chat room and on your profile.
I'll be honest with you. As stupid as we call the pigs, most of them aren't. Those who are looking for a good FinDom make notes and remember what we are like. They approach when they want to tribute, after they have learned about us so that they know how to please us best.
If you crawl to them, demand that they pay for looking at your profile and constantly whine that you can't find a piggy to pamper you for ever then maybe your approach isn't working. The pigs talk about the Dommes and anonomously rate us as well. I'm certainly not saying make friends and rainbows and happy with the subs, that is not what they are for. They are here to serve us. So why chase?
Remember the hit rate as well. There are a piggies joining all the time with different fetishes and wants and needs and tastes. Most companies go for a one in ten hit with customers. Look at the number of verified Dommes Vrs the number of Verified piggies.
Do the Math.
Task Five: Look into some sales techniques. Be more sociable. Change your focus from "MUST FIND PIGS DESPERATELY" to "Here to have a good time" it will stress you out less and your real personality will be able to shine through for all to see.
So I've been a bit lazy about updating this blog and part of being lazy has been me sitting back and doing absolutely nothing.
However, I am now behind in a number of things that I should have done last week, consequences happen when you don't do what you are supposed to do.
The punishment needs to fit the crime. I certainly believe in punishment, and I've been known in the past to be a little more than creative to get around simple excuses such as:
"I don't have any toys"
"I didn't realise that was a rule"
etc etc etc etc etc
The way I do it
MAKE YOUR RULES CLEAR
get that? Let me try it again.
MAKE YOUR RULES CLEAR!!!!
There is nothing worse than punishing a slave and them not knowing what they are being punished for.
"Because I felt like it" isn't how I work with punishment personally. In the past I've gotten slaves to confess to things and punished them for those confessions, but there has always been a reason for the punishment.
"I spilled hot tea all over your floor Mistress"
"Well then you better get down there and lick it up"
*wait for slave to complete punishment then look down at them*
"Why did you lick the floor?"
"Because I spilled the tea Mistress"
"What have you learned?"
"To be more careful Mistress"
Now, you will notice that this technique is similar to SuperNanny. The reason for this is because it works.
step one: Identify the punishable offence
step two: Come up with a punishment that fits the crime
step three: carry out punishment
step four: Check that the submissive understands why they are being punished
step five: finish it. Don't keep bringing up the past.
I have rules/expectations that those who serve me abide by. They are simple and straight forward including things like respect and loyalty. For long term and contracted slaves, they each have their own set of rules/conditions that I expect will be followed. I make certain that these rules and expectations are understood and that basic punishments are outlined in the contract.
The trick here is to never, ever, ever rush into contracting a slave. Take the time to talk things over and make certain that you are BOTH on the same page as far as service is.
The punishment fits the crime (and the slave)
Here is an example of a punishment that I once gave out.
- A slave had broken a basic rule and been disrespectful too me in public. I stripped her naked, put her on a cross and, after warming her up, gave her ten hard strokes with my punishment paddle. After doing these marks, I continued flogging her, did some sensation play, etc etc etc. After an awesome session there was after care of cuddles and water and giggling at her in dreamy subspace.
Here are the problems:
- Didn't establish where punishment ended and play began
- No follow up to enforce the rule
- Slave is a pain slut, was actually not worth using the punishment paddle
I've said it before, there is no point punishing a man by putting him in a dress and heels and sending him shopping for tampons if he gets off on it. That isn't a punishment, it's a turn on. This is why it is so very important to communicate with your slaves, it isn't about them wasting your time, it is about learning how to manipulate and control them best. I keep files on everyone that I have played with that I review and add too in order to keep specific details about them. What they liked, what they didn't like. How they responded to new things.
Examples of punishments fitting crimes:
Slave does not complete task set - Slave has to complete task before any more contact with Mistress is given
Slave fails to pay on time - Slave has financial penalty imposed for failure
Slave breaks/ruins new dress/underwear/clothing - Slave fixes/replaces items
You might notice how these are proper punishments that are in direct relation too the problem.
There are other ways to punish slaves:
Say you set a writing task and say clearly before hand - "For every typing error you make, you will be lashed/caned/beaten 10 times with (insert particular item here) on your (insert body part here). Just remember that if the slave returns their assignment full of mistakes that are obviously a way of getting you to punish them then you should do the opposite. Nothing worse than a slave trying to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.
But I am online!!! What if the slave doesn't do what I say?????
This is a tough one. You can do cam sessions to verify that they are giving themselves the punishment if you deem that it should be a physical one. Then get them to take photos and send them too you.
Honestly, if a slave isn't willing too do what you have ordered then you can take a couple of different paths:
- Discuss with them why they are unwilling to administer that particular punishment - IE Marks that may be visible to a partner or work colleague.
- Discuss WHY you believe that the punishment is important. Show of trust etc and listen too them as well. Communication is very important.
- If the slave continually refuses to complete tasks/punishments then you will want to consider letting them go.
But he pays me occasionally... shouldn't I keep him just incase?
That is up too you. Honestly, if someone signed on long term too serve me under a contract then continually broke that contract then I would dismiss them.
If it was a consensual blackmail contract then I would, and HAVE followed through on my end of the contract.
Remember if you say that you will do something, then you need to do it. There is no point threatening and threatening and then not going through with the punishment. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Do what you promise and expect the same from those who serve you.
Yep, that about covers it.
What are some punishments that you've done and why did you do them! I love comments!
Other People's Property
Ok, lets look at a situation; You are out in public, there, sitting on the ground, out in plain view, is a wallet, fat full of cash. It has cash dripping out of it.
You pick it up and open it and slip some money out of it. No problems right!
But there is an owners ID, right there! You can see that this fat wallet already has an owner.
An owned sub is like that wallet, his money belongs to someone else.
So, there I am, in the chat room. I've been chatting away to this slave for a long time and I know that he pays. BAM he admits to typing one handed. WANK TAX TIME!
He is charged, and he pays. Good sub. Right? WRONG!
I fucked up and didn't check his profile. He is owned! I have just become a poacher.
It isn't ok!
Think about your own subs. The time and work that you have put in to making them what YOU want them. Imagine that they are a sand castle that you have built up and shaped to suit your needs and desires.
Another Domme has put in the time and effort to open this losers wallet.
Then you come along and start digging out little bits of his wallet and take it for yourself. Eventually that sub doesn't have enough to give to the Domme that he has sworn fealty too. That isn't fair!
But he didn't tell me he was owned!!
If it is on his profile then you should have read it! Two way street baby!
He paid me! It my money now!
That's like saying it's ok to take the money out of the wallet that you found before returning it too it's rightful owner.
Would you prefer your lost wallet returned with all of the money in it? or some missing?
What do I do?
First things first. Admit that you were wrong and that a mistake was made. Own that mistake. Both you and the pig are at fault.
Find out who his owner is. Send her a message explaining what has happened. Most Dommes appreciate being told that their submissive is straying from them.
Arrange to either a) return the money too the submissive or b) pass the money onto the Domme. It is Her Money after all.
What if he offers to pay for my silence?
REPORT HIS ASS TO HIS DOMME!
I've done the right thing, and I feel like a fool, I've got no money and no subs...
Well this is a learning curve. Pigs don't think with their brains, they think with something that sits much closer too their wallets. Yes, you've fucked up but you can also learn from it. You don't grow if you don't learn. Move on!
There are plenty of unowned subs begging to throw their money at your sexy feet. Go find them. Leave other peoples property alone.